|toxic tea set >
shout at the knitta! stop sign pole wrap >
nuclear family > asphyxiation > excruciatingly painful party lights >
old reliable > danger soup > this cosy is da bomb
It's late. You're about three quarters of a sheet to the wind from your "I just drink when I'm knitting" bottle o' WHINE and you're so fucking tired of working on that (baby blanket, scarf, sweat-a, etc.) you promised your neighbor, you are now at the point of walking over and shoving it into her mailbox as is, complete with instructions and leftover yarn for finishing. Your couch has completely molded around the shape of your ass, you've been sitting there for so long. It's time to get out… time to shake things up… time to walk the line between frumpy needlework and subversive fiber art. It's a thin line though - about the width of the sport weight yarn you've been screwing with all night long.
Recommended for your Listening Enjoyment and Musical Inspiration
A little nostalgic Mötley Crüe (and then some B&S to regain peace of mind after overdose of horrific, eighties glam rock)
Fits roughly one stop sign pole.
I usually say fuggit.
CO (insert best guess here, according to circumference of pole, 25-30?), working with 2 pieces of yarn (one strand from each skein). Work in any stitch you like for about 4 feet and bind off loosely. Get creative. Garter, stockinette, ribbing, etc., it don't matt-a. Keep in mind though that when you're working in certain patterns you'll end up with a piece that's a tad more stretchy or tighter. Don't get too far without checking this. A stop sign pole is about 8-10 inches average in circumference, so you want your piece to fit this tightly when stretched. Attach several buttons to one side of your piece to help you tag it quickly. Snip a few strands of yarn to weave through and knot at a few strategic locations up and down the wrap. This enables your piece to stay put a little longer than a day. The jerk that wants to take it home will have to return home and bring back scissors first.
Okay, so now you've got your stop sign pole wrap. Are you dressed in black? Better go change. Masks are optional. Comfortable shoes are encouraged. Grab your pole wrap and a friend – almost breaking the law is always more fun with a partner. Find a stop sign. Attach pole wrap. Run like hell!! Okay, maybe you don't have to flee the scene that fast. Might wanna take a picture first. Now go have a celebratory beverage.